Columbia Valley Pioneer - June 6, 2008

Fire on the mountain

By Alex Cooper
Pioneer Staff

Giant plumes of smoke rose from Kootenay National Park on Saturday, part of a controlled fire conducted on Mitchell Ridge by Parks Canada.

The fire was ignited in an effort to restore the historic fire cycle in the Kootenay Valley and to help protect people, facilities, and land from wildfire by reducing fuel loads created by years of fire suppression.

Rick Kubian, the incident commander, said the last wildfire in the Kootenay Valley was in 1917.

“Previously there were a lot more fires in the Kootenay Valley of both low and high severity,” he
said.

The fire also had the goals of reducing the mountain pine beetle population, improving wildlife habitat, and completing fireguards so wildfires and prescribed burns can be better managed in the future.

To prepare for the fire, crews with Parks Canada thinned out out 113 hectares of forest over the winter at the south end of Mitchell Ridge to create a fireguard. They also created a wetline by dumping 30,000 gallons of water at the top of the ridge to prevent it from spreading outside the park.

They also used natural breaks like avalanche chutes, rivers, and cliffs to contain the fires.

“We’re comfortable with the low probability of fire escaping the burn area,” said Mr. Kubian.

To ignite the fire, a mixture of fuels was dripped onto the forest. The substance was mixed into a jellylike consistency that stayed lit until it hit the ground. Simon Hunt, the aerial ignition mixing supervisor, said they can drop upwards of 7,000 litres of fuel per day.

They also used an aerial ignition device to drop ping-pong balls filled with a mix of potassium permanganate and glycol. The two substances created a delayed reaction that ignited after it hit the ground.

Two back-up helicopters were on standby, capable of dropping 350 gallons of water every three
minutes onto the fire.

“It’s half science, half intution,” said Art Laurenson, air operation branch director. “It’s like baking a cake: it’s a slightly different recipe every time you do it.”

The prescribed burn involved a crew of 40 personnel and six helicopters, as well as months of preparation.

In total, 2,000 hectares of forest was burned, out of a target of 4,500 hectares.

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Death of Radium man creates hubbub

By Alex Cooper
Pioneer Staff

Rumours were flying in Radium this week, after a Radium man who was a star witness in a
wrongful murder conviction in Winnipeg died of a suspected accidental drug overdose.

RCMP Staff-Sgt. Doug Pack of the Columbia Valley detachment said Reath (Ray) Zanidean
was found last Monday afternoon in a house with three admitted drug users present, one of
whom attempted to give him resuscitation.

He was rushed to hospital and pronounced dead on arrival.

Mr. Zanidean, a native of Swift Current, Saskatchewan, had a colourful past. In 1990 he was
alleged to have burned down his sister’s house in Swift Current but was never charged.

He is most notorious for his role in the 1991 trial and conviction of James Driskell for the murder of Perry Dean Harder. Mr. Zanidean testified in court that Mr. Driskell planned the murder.

In 2002 it was revealed that Mr. Zanidean received $80,000 in exchange for his testimony. He also received immunity from the arson charges.

In 2003 new DNA evidence called Mr. Driskell’s conviction into question. He was released on bail, and in 2005 the charges against him were stayed.

An inquiry into the Driskell trial revealed that Mr. Zanidean had threatened to recant his testimony if the demands he made in exchange for his testimony were not met.

Mr. Zanidean settled in Radium a few years ago and owned Rockies Pizzeria.

Upon his death, he faced charges for mischief and assault. Staff-Sgt. Pack said Mr. Zanidean
had allegedly damaged someone’s windshield and assaulted him.

However, Mr. Zanidean had friends in the community. Krystal Kashuba, Mr. Zanidean’s friend and hairdresser, left a bouquet of flowers on the doorstep at the pizzeria.

She said she was devastated by the news of his death. “He was one of the nicest people I had
ever met.”

She said she did not know about his drug use and that he took it really hard when his wife Susan abruptly left him last year. “I feel bad for his son Aaron because he’s only 15, his mother left him, and now his father is dead.”

The exact circumstances of Mr. Zanidean’s death await the results of the coroner’s inquiry.

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Columbia Valley Pioneer - May 30, 2008

Invermere council opposes proposed new marina off Canterbury Point

By Alex Cooper
Pioneer Staff

The District of Invermere Council was unanimous in saying it does not support an application for a new marina at Canterbury Point.

“I think it’s absolutely wrong in terms of stewardship of the lake to allow another marina,” said councillor Bob Campsall at a council meeting on Tuesday.

The application was submitted by the Canterbury Point Community Association directly to the Integrated Land Management Bureau, a branch of the Ministry of Agriculture and Lands, on April 29th. It calls for a 20-slip marina that will project about 170 feet into Lake Windermere and cover an area of 1,661 square metres.

Council cited environmental concerns as one reason for their opposition to the proposed marina.

“I’m shocked at the amount of garbage and oil running into the lake,” said Mr. Campsall.

“That area is the worst part of Lake Windermere,” added councillor Gerry Taft. “There’s no sense in making it worse.”

Safety concerns were also noted, due to the number of boats already present on Lake Windermere.

“It’s already dangerous to wakeboard or water-ski on the lake,” said councillor Sarah Bennett. “It’s just a matter of time until someone gets hurt.”

Councillor Campsall said the District should do more than refuse to support the application, but
should say they oppose it outright.

Ms. Bennett agreed: “We need to be very strong in our opposition to new marinas on Lake
Windermere.”

Keith Wright of Calgary, president of the Canterbury Point Community Association, said in a telephone interview that the marina wouldn’t add more boats to the lake, but would consolidate the boats in the area into one space.

“Right now we have a beach with a mish-mash of boat lifts, rails and docks on it. It’s like a yard sale of equipment,” he said. “The idea is to consolidate those boats into a marina to clean up the beach.”

He added that the proposal would allow for separate swimming and boating areas.

Marg Illingworth, a resident of the area, said she supports the marina but is concerned about its location.

“I just think it should be where the water is deeper,” she said.

Council was also disappointed that the application was sent to the Integrated Land Management Bureau first and not the district.

“I’m disappointed the Canterbury Group didn’t send an application to the district first,” said councillor Ray Brydon.

Chris Prosser, Chief Administrative Officer of the District of Invermere said district staff had to get information on the application from the bureau’s website.

Mr. Wright said he had discussed the proposal with the district last year and was told to submit his application through the bureau.

The application was referred to interested groups including the District of Invermere, the Ministry of the Environment, the Department of Fisheries and Oceans, Navigable Waters Protection Division, and the Akisqnuk, Ktunaxa, and Shuswap First Nations.

According to the bureau’s website, the application is still under review and comments from the public and interested groups are being accepted until June 19th. After that, a land officer will review the comments and make a decision on the application.

Mr. Prosser said in his Request for Decision submitted to council on Tuesday night that existing
policy “does not deem a marina necessary at this location.”

He added that according to the Lake Windermere Management Plan, adopted by council in 2001, the placement of commercial marinas on Lake Windermere is not supported.

“Lakeshore development guidelines must be in place prior to any approval of marina applications,” he said in his report to council.

Councillor Taft also said there should be more public access to Lake Windermere. Currently, of 11 marinas on the lake, only one is available to the public.

“The lack of public access to the lake is amazing,” he said. “People come here from all over the world. Everyone has the right to some form of access.”

His comments are concurrent with the Lake Windermere Management Plan, which says: “There is clearly need for more and better public access points to Lake Windermere.”

Mr. Taft said it is up to elected offi cials in the valley to work hard to protect the lake for everyone.

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Columbia Valley Pioneer - May 23, 2008

Hoffman legacy continues in Mexico, thanks to the Invermere Rotary Club

By Alex Cooper
Pioneer Staff

Gladys Bradshaw says she thinks of her daughter Bev Hoff man ten times a day.

“It’s never easy and it will never go away,” she said. “The only reason I keep strong is she wouldn’t want me to be unhappy for one second.”

Beverly and her husband Delbert Hoffman were travelling through Mexico in December 1999 when they were murdered at the side of the highway by two Americans.

The Hoff mans were semi-retired at the time. They worked in real estate in Invermere, but spent their winters in Mesa, Arizona. It was from there that they left for Mexico on that fateful trip.

As usual, they had spent months loading up their fifth-wheel recreation vehicle with clothing and other items, including two mountain bikes, to give away to Mexican children on their trip.

“They carried that in their hearts,” said Pat Brown-John, a close friend of the Hoffmans. “They loved to travel and experience, but they also wanted to contribute during their travels.”

The Hoffmans had just crossed the border and were on their way to Mexico City to meet their Invermere friends Barry and Pat Brown-John. After several hours they stopped at an isolated rest area where another vehicle was parked, one with American licence plates, occupied
by two young American couples.

The two American men, Paul Lean Parker and Donald W. Rainey, got out of their vehicle and shot the Hoffmans to death. The killers then made off with the Hoff mans’ vehicle and started to
rack up bills on their credit cards.

Word came to Mrs. Bradshaw of the strange credit card charges and she began to fear that something was wrong.

“From the start I didn’t want to believe anything bad had happened,” said Mrs Bradshaw. “Bev was always losing her purse. I had that thought in my head that everything was going to be OK.”

It wasn’t until a few days later that she was given the terrible news.

Since then, Mrs. Bradshaw, now 79 years old, has learned to live with her loss. “It was very sad times. She was my eldest daughter and we were very, very close,” she said. “She was more of a
friend than a daughter.”

Mother and daughter went on camping trips, played cards, and enjoyed meals together. A few years before Bev’s death, they had gone backpacking across Europe. Bev and Del were also
there to help Gladys through her triple bypass surgery, and the death of her husband Ron in 1998.

Other family members were also deeply affected by the tragedy, including Bev’s sister Linda and brother Aaron of Invermere; brothers Donnie and Robert, who work in other parts of B.C.;
and brother Mark of Abbotsford. Del also has a daughter Carey-Jo from a previous
marriage, who lives in Vancouver.

News of their tragic deaths shocked the entire valley. The Hoffmans were well-known citizens. Del was a former principal at Laird Elementary School, and Bev was an active real estate agent.

The Hoff mans were also loyal members of the Invermere Rotary Club. They helped build the Rotary Wall at the Windermere cemetery, and assisted with auctions, garage sales and other activities. Del helped organize the Rotary Club’s annual Loop the Lake event, and Bev ran in it three times.

But a lot of their work was done in private, without any recognition, said Bev’s mother. “She was a very just, kind person who helped in many ways that people weren’t aware of.”

To honour their legacy, the Rotary Club established a fund in their memory.

Through fundraising and grants from the regional Rotary group and Rotary International, the total amount raised was $12,000.

With the money, the club began a project called “Leer y Crecer,” Spanish for “Read and Grow.” The aim of the project was to help spread literacy to Mexican schoolchildren.

“When we started the fund we knew we wanted to make it related to education in Mexico,” said Dennis Hemus, fund coordinator.

“It was a three-year project that began as a simple idea of purchasing and donating books to underfunded public elementary schools in Puerto Vallarta area,” said Ken Fisher, president of the Rotary Club when the fund started.

The Rotary Club partnered with Rotarians in Puerto Vallarta and the American School in Puerto Vallarta, a private school for wealthy Mexicans. The project there was guided by Lisa Schalla,
a teacher and leader of the school’s National Honour Society, a small group of top students who wanted to perform charity work.

Mrs. Schalla was battling breast cancer when the project began. Her enthusiasm helped it grow in scope. The number of students from the American School taking part increased from only
a handful to more than 60, almost half the student population.

What began as a small project grew to include library programs, reading advocacy, and increased parental involvement. Throughout the Puerto Vallarta region, more than 20 schools
have received 2,000 books each through grants. In total, 6,700 children have been helped.

Ken Fisher was able to witness the impact first-hand. He visited one school, the Escuela Francisco Villa, where the storage shed had been converted into a library. The principal was passionate about the program.

“She’s inspired parents and her students into helping out the school,” said Mr. Fisher. “Through her eff orts and through the American School, they’ve transformed it into something that’s
quite lovely to see and a place that kids are quite excited to go to.”

The Invermere Rotary Club’s involvement in the project has now come to an end, with a final donation of $1,000 to pay for new books. However “Read and Grow” will continue. Mrs. Schalla has used her contacts at the University of Minnesota to get that institution involved, and the
project has gotten the attention of the local government in Mexico.

“In the memory of Del and Bev Hoffman, I truly believe that this is a lasting and far-reaching legacy,” Mr. Fisher said.

Gladys Bradshaw agreed. “The project is exactly what Bev and Del would have wanted. It’s wonderful for the people of Mexico and wonderful of the local Rotarians for taking on the responsibility,” she said. “I know it was a big undertaking by everyone. The only sad thing about it is they’re not here, but if they were, they would be very grateful, as I am.”

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Columbia Valley Pioneer - May 16, 2008

Richter ‘kids’ dedicate historic cabin

By Alex Cooper
Pioneer Staff

Over 100 people were in attendance to watch the three children of Frank and Helen Richter cut the red ribbon at the opening of the Bill Yearling Interpretive Centre at Nipika Mountain Resort last Friday.

Sanda Taylor, Diana “Boots” Richter, and Karl Richter grew up in the 1930s and 1940s on the property where Nipika is now located.
The centre is located in the same cabin that legendary trapper and First World War veteran Bill Yearling built almost 90 years ago.

Lyle Wilson, the owner of Nipika, almost had the cabin burned down when he bought the property, but decided to keep it for temporary accommodation instead.

“As we used it and moved to the valley, and started to learn things about the rich and varied history that this piece of land has, we began to cherish this place more,” he said.

He had the cabin refurbished and has now reopened it as a program centre, with nature and historic displays.

The Richters moved to the area in 1927 when Frank Richter bought the property from Bill Yearling.

At the time the Banff -Invermere highway was just a single-lane, dirt road and there was very little access to the property. Over the next twenty years they homesteaded there while raising their three children.

Growing up in the area presented all sorts of adventures for the Richters.

“Maybe it was hard for mum and dad, but it was fun for us kids,” Sanda said. “I have all good memories of playing in the creek, and damming the creek up and digging gophers out—doing all these things.”

Karl Richter, the youngest of the three, was only six when the family left the property, but he said he still has many memories of the area.

“I remember when my dad found a human skull and the jaw still moved,” he said. “We had it to play with and greeted people with it when they came to visit.”

Diana Richter said her mother often expressed regrets about bringing her children up there instead of in civilization. However, she disagrees with her mother.

“We were brought up in the Kootenays,” she said. “We had the best education and life that any kid could have ever have gotten.”

The family moved out of the area and into the valley in 1947 when they sold the property to the
Elk Horn Ranch outfitters, which ran the property as a guiding and outfitting base camp. The property changed hands several times until 1979, when Lyle and Diane Wilson bought the property.

It wasn’t until the late 1990s that they began developing it into Nipika Mountain Resort, a collection of cabins and conference centre located on Settler’s Road, 15 kilometres from Highway 93, at the edge of Kootenay National Park.

Mr. Wilson said they have three central themes to the resort: to promote health and fi tness, to be stewards of the environment, and to be self-sustaining.

“Our philosophy here is consistent with what we’re doing with this building,” he said.
Sanda and her husband Joe Taylor recently retired and moved to Cranbrook after spending 54 years living in the valley. Karl also makes his home in Cranbrook, while Diana has settled in Penticton with her husband Frank Custaloe.

Sanda’s children, Faith Saunders and Rod Taylor, continue to live in the valley. Karl Richter said he appreciates what Mr. Wilson had done with the area and hopes to bring his grandchildren
to the area.

“I’m just really happy that I can come back here and see this,” he said. “A lot of memories come to mind because I’ve travelled a lot in the last few years. This is still home.”
Diana agreed. “I am glad Lyle is preserving it so we can come in once in a while and enjoy it.”

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Best friends love to play hockey together

By Alex Cooper
Pioneer Staff

Four Invermere girls helped lead Team Kootenay to a third-place finish at the inaugural female under-16 B.C. Cup in Salmon Arm last month.

Sawyer Ellingboe, 14; Haley McDonald, 14; Holly Nikirk, 13; and Kiana Strand, 13, are best friends and have been playing hockey together for six years.

The four of them took up the sport in pretty much the same way—they all have hockey-playing brothers who dared them to play, said Donna Strand, Kiana’s mother.

“I actually was fi gure skating and my brother was playing hockey,” said Holly, who plays defence. “I watched his games and I decided I wanted to play.”

The four best friends have really taken to the sport. They play together in a Peewee boys league and also spend up to six hours every day during the winter playing hockey on Lake Windermere.

The four girls went to the two-day tryout together. While the girls weren’t called in any particular order, Holly was the first one selected for the team and Haley was called last.

“I was really happy but I was kind of sad that some of our other friends didn’t make it,” said Haley, who was named team captain.

The team had a rigorous schedule at the tournament. The first day they had a practice followed by a 9 p.m. fi tness testing session. Then the next morning they had to be up at 5 a.m. for a game against tournament winners, Team Okanagan.

Team Okanagan players were older, bigger, and better-rested and won the game 6-2, but Team
Kootenay said opening against the best team prepared them for the rest of the tournament.

“When I got out there on the ice for my first shift of the tournament—those girls were so fast compared to what I was used and you’re not quite sure of what was going to happen,” said Holly.

They were helped by national women’s team assistant coach Nancy Wilson, who provided them with a great deal of encouragement.

“She put everything into a positive aspect where it’s a lot easier to take it,” said Holly.

They played with Kootenay’s trademark grittiness to tie Team Island and beat Fraser Valley. In the bronze medal game they shutout Greater Vancouver 2-0.

Their coach, Donna Yuill, said having them on the team was of great help because they played in a boys’ league and were such a cohesive unit.

“They’re all outgoing, hardworking girls,” she said. “They’re very coachable and hungry for knowledge.”

Off the ice, the team slept on cots in a curling rink. They spent their down time bonding. They still keep in contact with their teammates from around the Kootenay region.

Sawyer, who scored a breakaway goal against Fraser Valley, said it was one of the best experiences she’s had in her life.

“Just being away from your parents for that amount of time, and with these girls that you
learn to gel with so well, it’s just so different than what I’m used to.”

Their coach said the tournament has provided them a great starting point for the future. “As long as they stay in shape and improve their skills, they will continue to be successful,” said Mrs. Yuill.

All four girls said they plan on trying out for the under-18 team and hope to go play college hockey on scholarship. “I want to go as far as I can,” said Kiana.

“These girls are all honour roll students so they have the same work ethic on and off the ice,” added her mother Donna.

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Columbia Valley Pioneer - May 9, 2008

Sandy McIlwain off to Beijing

By Alex Cooper

Pioneer Staff

For Invermere resident Sandy McIlwain, the opportunity to spend seven weeks in Beijing promoting British Columbia is one he could not pass up.

“It’s one of those things that only comes up once,” he said. “The chance to spend seven weeks in Beijing and be promoting B.C., it just seemed like the right thing to do.”

Mr. McIlwain will be arriving in Beijing on June 11th as part of the second group of 54 B.C. public service workers working as hosts at the B.C.-Canada Pavilion, which is located in central Beijing near Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City.

While there, he will provide information on B.C. and Canadian geography, culture, arts, tourism, and the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

He was one of 600 applicants, and said he was chosen because of his great knowledge of Canada.

“I think it’s a great opportunity to tell the world about where we live and what we do here,” he said.

He added that he’s looking forward to experiencing Chinese culture and visiting the tourist sites.

Mr. McIlwain is married to Roberta and has two children—Sam, 14 and Montanna, 11.

“My kids were very supportive and very excited at thought of me going over there,” he said.

He moved to Invermere more than ten years ago when an opportunity opened up at the Ministry of Children and Family Development, where he works as a supervisor.

“My wife had spent time here and really liked the area,” he said. “I’m really happy to be here and it’s a great place to bring up kids.”

He added that he will try to promote the Columbia Valley whenever he can while he’s in Beijing.

Meanwhile, a former valley resident is already in Beijing as part of the first group of public service employees working at the pavilion.

Iris Fodchuk Dube was born and raised in Invermere and graduated from David Th ompson Secondary School.

She spent 13 years working for the B.C. Forest Service and now works as an office manager for the Crown Council in Cranbrook.

She arrived in Beijing last month and so far has seen The Great Wall, the Forbidden City and the Olympic Gardens. She was on hand for a visit by VIPs from the Canadian embassy on Sunday and the opening of the pavilion to the public.

Over 5,000 people are expected to visit the pavilion every day.

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A Day in Court

By Alex Cooper

Pioneer Staff

The following people were found guilty in Adult Criminal Court in Invermere on Tuesday, May 6th. Presiding was Judge Ron Webb.

• Ross V. Colins pleaded guilty to driving a motor vehicle while impaired by alcohol. He was sentenced to three months in jail, 18 months on probation, and had his license suspended for three years.

The crown prosecutor told the court that on February 10th, 2007 at approximately 10:10 a.m. police received a complaint from a citizen of a white pick-up driving erratically.

Police found the vehicle in a parking lot and told both occupants to stop driving. The officer saw three cans of beer on the passenger side of the vehicle.

Thirty minutes later, the vehicle left the lot with Mr. Colins driving, and the officer arrested him. The prosecutor said Mr. Colins had been drinking all night and had a six-pack the morning of his arrest. He was too intoxicated to give a breath sample.

Mr. Colins told the court he did not recall the incident and accepted the circumstances.

The crown told the court Mr. Colins had six prior convictions, dating back to 1984. His last one was in 2001, in Golden.

Mr. Strahl, defending, said his client was divorced in 1993 and was estranged from his wife and two children because of his alcohol problems.

He came to Invermere in 2003 and now works full-time.

Mr. Strahl said his client began drinking at the age of 16 and that alcoholism had been a problem his whole adult life. He added that since a friend died in October 2007 from alcohol, his client has not been drinking.

Mr. Strahl said his client suffers from osteoarthritis and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. He said Mr. Colins suffers from depression and has been seeing

a counsellor for that for the past 3.5 years.

Mr. Strahl said that if Mr. Colins went to jail he would risk losing his employment and his residence.

Judge Webb said repeat offenders should expect extended jail sentences and the crown’s proposed sentence was woefully inadequate.

“It is a matter of good fortune nothing worse has happened,” he said.

The judge denied his request for ten days to pack up his belongings at his home before going to jail.

• Natalie M. Bennett, 22, from Fort McMurray, pleaded guilty to driving without reasonable consideration. She was fined $500, with a victim surcharge of $75.

The court heard that on March 22, 2007 at about 5:20 p.m. Ms. Bennett was spotted driving a green Chevrolet Monte Carlo south on highway 93 near Edgewater.

Crown witness Alan Richard Smith, a former police officer, said he saw the vehicle swerve several times, at one point almost going into the ditch, before the vehicle came to a stop beside the road, about two kilometres south of Edgewater.

Mr. Smith said he notified RCMP and Constable Rob Weaver was dispatched to the scene. He told the court he stopped Ms. Bennett on the highway and placed her under investigation.

Ms. Bennett said she was sorry and she had learned a valuable lesson from the incident.

No Shortcuts in Comedy

This article will appear on the Fine Cut Magazine website, which comes out later this spring. An abbreviated version will appear in the print copy.

How technology is changing the comedy short, and the way people get noticed

We tend to get weirder and weirder with our ideas and shorts as time progresses but I don’t really mind that.” - Nathan Fielder

By Alex Cooper
Section Editor

“DOUCHE!”

So yells Graham Wagner at the end of the comedy short of the same name about a man who “doesn’t understand a word”. The video was created by Wagner and Nick Flanagan, along with several friends, and some random passer-bys.

The film is one of many shorts to emerge out of the Toronto alternative comedy scene centred around Laugh Sabbath, held every Sunday at the Rivoli. It’s the same night and the same stage Canadian comedy legends Kids in the Hall got their start at many years ago.

Laugh Sabbath came together over two years ago when several comedy nights were given the opportunity to unite under the same umbrella. Levi MacDougall, one of the core members of Laugh Sabbath, says the formation of the collective was very organic. “We just realized we were doing a lot of shows together and just connected with different sensibilities.” The show has garnered significant attention and, for the past two years, has been part of the official Just for Laughs showcase circuit.

Laugh Sabbath is characterized by its non-traditional comedy. Performers are encouraged to break away from the usual stand-up and go off-the-board for laughs. Shows feature a mix of acts ranging from sketch troupes to bizarre improvisational bits. Occasionally comedians use the show as an opportunity to try out new material and it is common to see them reading off a sheet of paper. Some, such as Flanagan, have gone so far as to turn their notebook a part of their act. And then there are the videos. They are becoming more common and it is rare for a night to not feature any.

Flanagan started making shorts to promote his comedy night, Joke Club. He made several with his friend Rebecca Addelman, such as the bizarre Bath Goth and the crude Afghanistandup, in which Addelman entertains Canadian soldiers in Kandahar with jokes such as: “I don’t have a gun shot wound, but I do have a cum shot womb.”

These videos, and more, have been posted on websites such as Super Deluxe, Channel 101, and YouTube. On Super Deluxe, Douche is the most watched community video, with over 365,000 views. Despite its popularity, Flanagan, who hopes to make his living from comedy, hasn’t made any inroads into mainstream success. “Hopefully The Comedy Network will upload them one day,” says Flanagan.

Douche: By Nick Flanagan, Graham Wagner and Nathan Fielder

It’s not easy to make it on the Comedy Network. Michelle Daly, director of content, says the network receives 15 to 20 pitches every week. Out of those, very few turn into an actual series, and about 50 shorts get used for the show Canadian Comedy Shorts.

Several comedians now have TV shows based on their shorts. Greg Lawrence’s cartoon series Kevin Spencer began that way before being picked up by the Comedy Network. Likewise, Peter Oldring and Pat Kelly’s breakfast show parody Good Morning World was also picked up.

But they are the exceptions.

MacDougall came close to making it to the small screen when he produced a pilot for the network with his sketch-comedy group, The Distractions. He got their attention when he won the 2001 Cream of Comedy competition. Scouts from the network began coming out to The Distractions’ shows and were impressed by not only the quality of the material, but the amount of new sketches they came up with each week.

Eventually they went into production. The group, which also includes Tim Polley and Paul Schuck, set out to produce a sketch show with a cinematic look to it. For reasons beyond their control, it never aired. On the bright side MacDougall says the experience opened up a lot of doors for them.

Bacon: By The Distractions, from their Comedy Network Pilot

One person from Laugh Sabbath who has had success is Nathan Fielder, the director of Douche and winner of the 2006 Cream of Comedy competition. He managed to parlay his shorts into a gig as a field correspondent for the hit CBC show This Hour has 22 Minutes when a producer at the show saw his videos.

Fielder began making films while at comedy school. One of them, Job Hunt, was a finalist in the 2006 CBC Comedy Shorts Contest and another he made with MacDougall called In Your House was picked up for Canadian Comedy Shorts.

Eventually he collaborated with Laugh Sabbath host Chris Locke on These Moments Too – a series of nine short films where the humour was “less conceptual and more dialogue driven.” Fielder was unsure of them at first. It wasn’t until he witnessed the crowd response at shows that he realized what he was onto.

“I liked it, but I didn’t know what was funny about it,” he said. “We started showing them to crowds and they were laughing really hard. People were asking when we were going to make more. People wanted to be in them and were sending us scripts for ideas they had.”

These Moments Too - Nice Move: By Nathan Fielder and Chris Locke

Attempts to turn These Moments Too into a television series have been unsuccessful so far. Fielder and Locke pitched the show to several networks but were told it wasn’t mainstream enough. Despite that, Fielder says that out of all the shorts he’s made, he’s most proud of them. “I feel like they were doing something new that I hadn’t seen in comedy,” he says.

The comedy short is nothing new and can be dated back to the dawn of film, with the Lumiere Brothers’ 1895 Watering the Gardener. However, Fielder notes an increased prominence of the short due to the advance of technology. “It’s making people into self-producers,” he explains. “If you do that well, then it’s easier for people to see how they can turn what you do into something on TV.”

Michelle Daly agrees: “It gives you a sense of writing, of aesthetic, and of the tone that they’re looking for. It’s a very low risk calling card.”

The advent of YouTube and the ease with which people can make their own videos has changed the way people approach her. Seven out of ten pitches she receives include a link to a YouTube video.

For MacDougall, there are several benefits to posting his films online. He says the films he’s made with The Distractions helps them reach out to people that would not have heard about them normally. “It means the films we screen at the shows don’t end there,” he says.

It also allows him to bypass mainstream media. “It’s an encouraging part of it,” he says. “To just shoot something and put it up in front of a crowd and let them decide, without it being filtered through ten executives.” And when a video gets lots of views, he adds, executives know there’s an audience out there.

Now that Fielder has his gig on 22 Minutes, he’s using his exposure to give These Moments Too another go and firmly believes it could be a hit if given the chance. Meanwhile, he has continued to make short films with his Laugh Sabbath colleagues whenever he has time off from his day job.

“We tend to get weirder and weirder with our ideas and shorts as time progresses but I don’t really mind that.”

Even the Best: With Nathan Fielder and Katie Crown

Stronger cars, potential dangers still no problem for Humber fire and emergency

Humber’s fire and emergency services program is always updating its vehicle crash rescue techniques and equipment to keep up with new technologies, said program manager Ian Sim.

Metals that are harder to cut through, air bags that can go off at any moment, and hollow drive-shafts that can explode are among the potentially dangerous components they encounter.

“There are many issues that come up in cars. There are a lot of new technologies that come along,” he said. “As they do, you adapt and change your training techniques.”

He added that rescue tool manufacturers are doing a good job producing new equipment to keep up with developments in vehicle technology.

“The new tools do a good job,” he said. “As far as technology, manufacturers are keeping up. As new things are required, manufacturers are using new equipment.”

Auto-extrication personnel use a variety of tools, including electric saws, impact guns and pneumatic spreaders, better known as “the jaws of life.”

Although it was reported in the Toronto Star on Monday that it took emergency crews an hour to free three trapped Brinks guards from their overturned truck, Captain Mark Bardgett of the special operations section of Toronto Fire Services said new vehicle materials are not an issue for them.

“We have a comprehensive extrication program that educates firefighters about various aspects of vehicle extrication,” he said. “Toronto Fire Services is very diligent at looking at tools capable of doing the job.”

Toronto Fire Services has committees that evaluate the performance of equipment and deal with manufacturers about the availability of new tools.

Sim said part of the challenge facing his program is getting cars from auto-wreckers built with the latest technology for training.

“Unfortunately it is hard to get those cars to train on because you get old cars at auto-wreckers to train on,” he said. “Although we can’t get those cars to actually cut up, when we are doing some of the older cars we’re pointing out the points where they would find those issues so at least they’re aware of it.”

Some new vehicles, like the Mercedes S-Class, have safe cutting zone marked on the car so emergency teams know where to cut. Bardgett said other manufacturers are starting to do this too.

Toronto Fire Services’ auto-extrication teams train on cars four times per year and get training on new equipment as they become available.

“Our department is very diligent in training and keeping up to date on new vehicle technology,” said Capt. Bardgett.

Bikers overtake lot

Popularity of scooter course on the rise

Humber’s motorcycle training centre is expecting to see an increase in the number of students enrolled in its scooter courses this season, said program manager Andy Hertel.

“It’s become really popular,” he said. “In two years we went from zero students to about 250 and I’m expecting that’s going to grow again this year.”

Program co-ordinator John Reed said people sign up for scooter training because they want to learn and do it safely.

According to its website, the motorcycle training centre is the largest of its kind in the world. It has 120 full and part-time instructors and trains about 3,000 students a year in courses ranging from basic to a pro-rider course.

The centre’s bread and butter is the basic rider course, which Hertel said gets about 2,000 students a year.

Students who complete the course learn the basics of riding, get a break on insurance and receive documents for their M2 license.

“Most people want to become safe out there,” said Marshall Richmond, an instructor at the centre. “I think that’s probably their prime goal – become a good rider and then secondary and tertiary goals are to get a licence out of it and a big insurance discount out of it.”

Hertel said rider training is key for all levels of riding.

“No matter what you end up doing with your riding knowledge and abilities, at some point you have to learn to ride properly, he said. “And if you go on to become a world-class GP racer or if you go on to become a moto-cross rider, or if you go on to just casually ride on the weekends with your friends, it all starts in the same place with rider training.”

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Jumping wages land in youths’ corner

Seasonal placements will now offer students more of an incentive

Hundreds of summer jobs will be impacted by the increase in Ontario’s minimum wage, said Karen Fast, manager of the Career Centre.

The jobs affected are provided through government run programs such as Summer Experience and the Federal Student Work Experience Program. They provide students with work experience in a government ministry related to their field of study.

“Those jobs are amazing because a lot of them are programs related to the students and they only pay minimum wage,” Karen Fast said. “Those government positions will definitely be affected, and would offer at least a reasonable amount of money to the students.”

The minimum wage in Ontario will be raised to $8.75 per hour from $8 per hour on March 31.

Fast said the biggest impact will be felt by students who work minimum wage jobs in retail.

“A lot of our students have part-time jobs in the retail industry,” she said. “That’s where I see this really benefiting those students because they’re going to see those increases because the employers have to pay them.”

The increase on minimum wage will not have a major impact on Humber faculty and staff because those wages are negotiated and not indexed to minimum wage, said Joanne Maguire, manager of compensation and benefits at Humber College.

Work-study students that get jobs at Humber are already paid over the minimum wage, she said.

“It impacts us in that we stay above it,” Maguire said, “But we don’t have to go and do a whole pile of increases on March 31 because even with the increase, nobody’s under the minimum wage.”

Amy Terrill, a spokesperson for the Ontario Chamber of Commerce, said businesses are nervous about the consequences on labour cost.

“It may force some companies to reduce numbers,” she said.

The minimum wage will jump to $9.50 per hour in 2009 and to $10.25 per hour in 2010.

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Torontonians can track carbon footprint

Toronto Mayor David Miller said the city will reach out to institutions such as Humber to participate in its new initiative to reduce the city’s carbon footprint.

Zerofootprint Toronto is an Internet portal launched locally last week to allow residents, businesses, neighbourhoods and community groups to measure, track and reduce their contributions to greenhouse gas emissions.

“The calculator is designed in a way that institutions can use it as well,” Miller told students and faculty during an appearance at North Campus last week. “It’s intended to build partnerships so the outreach is happening. I’m sure Humber will become a partner in the near future.”

The portal (toronto.zerofootprint.net) is a collaboration between the city and Zerofootprint, a Toronto-based, non-profit organization that provides services to consumers and businesses who wish to reduce their carbon footprint.

The online calculator asks questions about individuals’ travel, food consumption, and household energy use to measure their greenhouse gas emissions. The average Torontonian’s footprint is 8.6 tonnes.

“This tool, because it’s web-based, will allow people to come together in groups of common interest, which could be as simple as carpooling, or it could be – we have two or three groups in Toronto – local neighbourhoods where people got together to buy solar panels,” said Miller.

While Humber has yet to commit to using Zerofootprint as a tool to measure and reduce its carbon emissions, Humber president John Davies said the school has invested in reducing its energy usage.

“The power plant is mostly new over the past four years,” he said. “We’ve spent $6 million or $7 million into changing boilers and chillers.”

He added that the school has also installed light sensors in classrooms to reduce electricity consumption.

So far more than 50 organizations in Toronto have committed to using Zerofootprint, including York University and the Ontario College of Art and Design.

Ron Dembo, founder and CEO of Zerofootprint, said in a press release carbon emissions are at the core of the climate change problem.

“This site gives Torontonians a real, tangible method to tackle climate change,” he said. “We provide not only a free measurement tool - but more importantly, a course of action that they can take to reduce their own carbon footprint.”

Robert Hellier, program coordinator of the new sustainable energy and building design program, said carbon calculators are a useful tool.

“It does allow for awareness for people that have not though about it,” he said. “It makes a connection between someone’s lifestyle and the capacity of the planet to sustain life.”

Miller said the website will further the city’s goal of reducing its greenhouse gas emissions by 80 per cent by 2050 over 1990 levels.

“It collects data. It allows us to look at the data and make changes in big picture policies,” he said. “That’s where getting institutions like Humber on board will help.”

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